So drunk its hurt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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