this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
