i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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