at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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