It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
