i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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