we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
third nipple confirmed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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