i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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