so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
