How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
