ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
