obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
