why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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