Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
