Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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