I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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