Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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