i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
