You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
