I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize