Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
