thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
