I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize