Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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