Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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