I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
where are my eyebrows?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
