Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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