I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
