He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
