My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We are all done wearing pants today
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
