yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
time to smoke my breakfast
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
