I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
