I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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