I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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