I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize