I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
