I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize