I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
