I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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