Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
