you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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