Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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