Sponge bath it is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
