So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
