Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
