Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
