Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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