He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
