you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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