Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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