a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
