Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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