im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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