i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
