Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
