wrigley field is MILF paradise
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
