I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
