I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
