I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
