I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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