you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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