sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
