Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
