In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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