Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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